News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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