I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
