You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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