i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
