He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
