Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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