This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
