if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You took a bar mat shot.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
