Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
