so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
