my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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