he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
