so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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