So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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