My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
