she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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