she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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