Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Hippo gnu deer
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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