dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
