Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
