how do flat chested girls get laid?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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