I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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