i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
