I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
