It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
