I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
