k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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