you have to choose: penises or morals?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
