last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
