Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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