I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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