"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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