Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
