I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
