i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
time to smoke my breakfast
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
