I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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