Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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