That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
