I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
