Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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