Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
