Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
