If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
