just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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