apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
