4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
