but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
