oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
