I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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