What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
