but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
