Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she peed on how many people?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
