and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
